KINK & FETISH

FOR BEGINNERS

INTRODUCTION TO KINK & FETISH

Our blog 'Kink For Beginners' is for everyone regardless of race, age, nationality, abilitiy, religion, sex, gender or gender-identity (and that includes those of you who identify as straight of course!), but with a bias towards the LGBTQ+ communities.

It is meant to be a starting point for those of you who have an interest in subjects relating to BDSM, kink and fetish, but who may not have had a chance to explore this realm and/or connect with those already active in 'the scene'. And a platform for those of you who are already involved in kink and fetish, and who are happy to share their experiences and offer guidance and advise.

We would like to offer a platform for you to make contact, meet up, ask questions and provide answers relating to anything from the most basic ideas and concepts of kink, to informed advice on health, ethical and moral-related issues with regards to kink, fetish and sex.

This blog is also meant to be a liaison between other related groups and communities, and a forum for guest-experts. Also, this space offers a medium for organisers of munches and other kink-related events to talk about their specific propositions.

Please treat this blog as an inclusive and sex-positive platform for open-mided, respectful discussion and intelligent and informative debate. A free and open resource, to be shared.

If you are new to kink and fetish, please feel free to ask ANYTHING without fear of being judged by anyone. If you are already an experienced kinkster please answer to the best of your knowlegde and experience - your views are extremely valuable!

Lots of Love,

Aidan & Nina xXx

Here are some 'taster' articles to whet your appetite. Please follow the links to the actual blog, read, enjoy and contribute if you like.

WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE PORN SAYS ABOUT YOU

"Porn intensely focuses our mental and physical attention, uncovering specific emotions eroticized much earlier in life. Through our sexual fantasies, we attempt to master feelings of powerlessness, shame, guilt, fear and loneliness that have followed us into adulthood.Encoded in the porn scenes that lead us to orgasm are the psychological antidotes to these feelings.

Situating ourselves in humiliating, romantic or risky scenes counteracts painful feelings by turning them into pleasurable ones. Psychologically, this happens outside our awareness, the way blood cells heal a cut finger without our knowing it.

To decode eroticized feelings, look at family dynamics. Childhood conflicts produce strong emotions that never completely disappear. Their impact echoes long into adulthood, woven into our fantasies, even when denied. What arouses us is far from random or meaningless.

The porn we choose to watch is dictated by our psychological histories."

HOW TO KNOW WHEN TO YOUR PUSH YOUR LIMITS

A simple question we hear a lot... What's the most sensible and sensitive answer in your experience and opinion? Again, this one is for both Dom & subs of course.

HOW TO WRITE THE 'PERFECT' KINK / FETISH PROFILE TEXT

Writing about yourself is never easy. It's probably even harder when it comes to effectively communicating on subjects like your sexual desires, fantasies, kinks and fetishes.

If you have successful profiles on kink / fetish community websites such as Fetlife.com, if you have experience with writing profiles that 'work' and attract the right attention from people you actually might want to stay in touch with or even meet please share this here.

And if you are new and have questions or comments about profile-writing please ask! Here are some of my tips / what I consider the most important things to keep in mind when writing your fet / kink profile text:Be yourself! Write exactly what you think and feel. Don't try to please anyone. You have got to like your profile - that's really the only thing that matters...Write in the positive! Rather than writing: 'I'm not looking for...' rather say what it is you ARE looking for.

The only exception I think really should be something clearly worded to avoid the time-wasters and cock-picture senders (unless you're into that of course). Keep it personal! Write from your point of view, not the target's.

Say what you want/like and why, not just what you're expecting. Ok, for example:

(bad) '...as my sub you're expected to do xyz'

but rather (good) '...having a sub do xyz for me would make me feel...'

Also, I think it's really important to let people know WHY it is you've decided to be on that particular website with a profile... Is it to actually meet others, or rather to learn, to chat, to ask questions?

Why you're on this particular kink / fetish website with a profile is more important than what you're looking for. Try to be explicit (if that's you), but definitely try to be clear and honest. Try to be exact about what you're looking for. And then write about that and let others know...

...and please, please, PLEASE! Make sure your spelling and grammar are correct. It just looks careless if you're hammering out an important text about yourself and then don't care enough about it to at least spell-check the thing!

BDSM SLAVE or SUBMISSIVE - WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE

How do you personally define the difference between a 'slave' and a 'submissive'?

The general feeling amongst intelligent, consensual players is of course that everyone is free to define those terms in any way they see fit. And I agree, but I also feel that, not only for newbies, it is important to try and define this sort of label at least once, for oneself.

How about these statements for example? A slave is someone who has 'given up all rights of individuality and self-determination'. Or how about this one: 'A slave is not necessarily submissive'... Or perhaps 'these terms define a certain level of permanence in the relationship'?

HOW AND WHEN DID YOU FIRST BECOME AWARE OF YOUR FETISH?

It would be great to hear your stories about this!

Here is one of mine: A many of you know I've got a huge 'thing' for feet. Although I'm not always 100% sure what to actually do with them once I've got 'the pleasure' I do think feet are absolutely the sexiest, most beautiful thing EVER. ;-)

I became aware of an attraction to other peoples' feet when I was very young. I saw this young woman wearing lots of toe rings and going barefeet (very hippy, I know) and I just couldn't take my eyes of them.

Now, as I said I was still quite young and certainly hadn't worked out my sexuality by that stage. BUT I knew I found this 'image' arousing in some strange way.Ever since I've played with the fantasy and later on with the reality of feet as a fetish.

I really can't explain it - it's just there, and there is not an iota of doubt in my mind about that FEET ARE SEXY!!! Strange one that...

HOW TO PLEASE YOUR SUBMISSIVE

Ok, let's turn the tables here... How do you please your submissive?

All consensual relationships obviously are give & take and your subbie will have their requirements, needs, wants and also enjoy some special 'treats', right?

It'd be nice to hear from you what you do to make sure your sub's 'happy' and content. How do you look after them?

And you subbies, please tell us what pleases you, makes you happy, where your special delight comes from and what it is about?

HOW TO DOMINATE A MAN IN BED

Yes alright, this one is a bit tongue-in-cheek... But really, do you think there are differences between genders? What are they? Have you come up with a 'winning recipe'?

And you subbie-men, what makes you get weak in the knees? What would you (respectfully of course) recommend to your Topping Ladies & Gentlemen?

Go on, spill the beans (you will inspire!

WHAT IS IN YOUR BDSM / KINK TOY BAG...?

We'd love to know what you think are 'the essentials'. And also maybe tell us about toys and equipment not neccessarily bought from specialist BDSM / Sex shops, but rather DIY or household items and play-things you've made yourself (this should be interesting)!